I took a walk around Metropolis to
Try to shed some pounds.
I got real tired after ½ a mile
And I had to sit down
If I had to fight crime right now
don’t think I would do so great
Superman’s put on some weight, yeah

I watched my waistline grow till
I can’t fit in my spandex suit
The S upon my chest has stretched ‘cause I have super-man boobs
Once I could leap over tall building in a single bound
Now my whole body has turned soft pudgy & round

If I get heavy then will you go
Call me super-size
I’ve got a double chin, fallen arches,
cottage cheese thighs
Once I had muscle but now all you see
under my tights
Cellulite

I once was strong but now not so
The man of steel let himself go
Lex Luthor always gets away now
when his plans defuse
Bullets bounced off now they go in, I
Find ‘em under flabs of skin
I use my x-ray vision now to see if I’ve
tied my shoes

If I get tubby than would you still
Call me Superman
I can’t seem to keep weight off
Tried Atkins and Jenny Craig plan
My fat cells are also empowered by Earth’s
yellow sunlight
Cellulite

If I get hefty than will go
Call me Super-Size
I gained three hundred pounds no
One buys my Clark Kent disguise
It’s hard to jog off weight when
you can run near the speed of light
Cellulite

If I get portly than will you still
Call me Superman?
Clark Kent once ducked out to
fight crime now it’s to use the can.
It turns out twinkies are my
personal kryptonite.
Cellulite.