Nerds and geeks of the class of 2009…do not wear sunscreen.

Wear deodorant instead.

The social benefits of deodorant can be proven by scientific analysis. Whereas the rest of my advise had no basis more reliable than my own fanboying experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the things that bring you pleasure, without remorse. There is nothing wrong with having more fun playing Warcraft than football. But inversely, respect that other people may find your role-playing adventures as silly and immature as you find their stupid enthrallment watching jocks beat each other up while chasing after a ball.

Women will NOT sleep with you just because you fix their computer.

Don’t go to superhero movies expecting to enjoy the film. If Hollywood cannot turn brilliant literature into a decent movie, there’s no way they will get 40+ years of superhero continuity right. These movies aren’t for the hardcore fans: they are for the millions of potential fans who have never before picked up a comic book, but just might, if Hollywood panders to them just right.

Take a shower every day, whether you think you need to or not. Because you do.

Glomp responsibly.

Peace-bond your blades, especially if you’re drinking.

Pwn.

Keep your comics in the protective sleeves, but also make sure you keep them high enough that visiting children can’t grab your Action Comics #1 and start drawing in it with crayon.

Remember the even numbered Star Trek movies. Forget the odd numbered ones. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Filk

Keep your old backup disks, throw away your old computers .

It’s always try up up down down left right left right B A start.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t like every nerdy thing out there. Just because a show takes place on a spaceship does not mean you have to idolize it. Let’s face it: any show will go downhill after long enough, and some of them, like Andromeda and Enterprise, started out pretty weak to begin with.

Cosplay.

Be kind to the machines. You’ll have to answer when they’re in charge.

Maybe the future will be awesome, maybe it won’t. Maybe we’ll get a space elevator and transporters; maybe we’ll download our brains into a VR simulation. However it ends up, it will not be anything like what you predicted. Science fiction is and always has been an exaggerated mirror of the present, not a plausible prediction of the future.

Enjoy the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Only fantasy novel characters have the luxury of waiting for adventure to come to them. The rest of us have to go out and grab it ourselves.

If you actually need to read the directions you just spent too much money.

Do not speak Klingon in public it will only make you look nerdy.

Don’t be too hard on George Lucas. You never know when he’ll be gone for good.

Don’t betray your teammates, no matter what the circumstances. They’re the people who helped advance you to this level and the ones most likely to heal you when you’re out of HP.

Don’t buy into the belief that you’re smarter than everybody else, and that social awareness doesn’t matter. Human interaction defines your existence and gives purpose to life, and if someone has figured out how to interact well with others while you cannot, they are not THAT stupid.

Watch Neon Genesis Evangelion all the way through, but stop before it crazy.
Watch Sailor Moon all the way through but stop before it makes you wimpy.

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Accept certain inalienable truths: games will get more expensive , no prequel will ever add value to a franchise, celebrities are not the character they play. And because of that it becomes even more important to believe that video games used to be cooler, the original movie was way better, and your heroes will continue to inspire you long after they’ve gotten fat and gone into rehab.

Get their autographs anyway.

Twenty pushups every single day makes up for a lot of time away from the gym.

You will make your point better if you don’t credit it to Babylon 5.

The Nice Guy routine will not ever work with women as long as it is a routine, and even then it still won’t work until a girl has dated enough jerks to realize just how important someone who values her truly is.

Be unforgiving to the flamers, but be patient with the noobs who just got there. No one likes either group, but if you treat noobs with the respect you would want, the chances are they will mimic it and we will have to deal with fewer idiots online.

Bills come before model kits. Budget accordingly.

And trust me on the deodorant