The slasher horror genre is one that’s easy to roast
Scenes so gruesome that they’re funny and so funny that they’re gross
All you need to start a franchise is some killer, beast or ghost
With some nifty ways to kill teenagers

Just when you think the villain’s dead he come back again each time
This monster or guy in a mask who’s committing violent crime
As he assumes the very vital task of teenage homicide
There must be fifty ways to kill teenagers
Fifty ways to kill teenagers

Put nightmares in their head, Fred
Take a blade to their face, Jase
Hide in the doll that you’re stuck, Chuck
Do whatever you will
Use magic on ‘em, Leprechan
Or like Wishmaster make wishes go wrong
Scare kids in the forest, Blair Witch
Just as long as you kill

Suck the blood that you lack, Drac
Open up your big maw, Jaws
Stab in the shower is great, Norman Bates
Do whatever you will
Eat the brains in their head, undead
Have ‘em say your name 5 times Candyman
Stalk ‘em Halloween night, Mike
Just as long as you kill

“There’s nothing out there,” they say every horror movie scene
And then the scary music starts and all the kids begin to scream
As the bad guy hacks our protagonists in methods quite obscene
All these awful ways to kill teenagers

We watch with schadenfreude as these teens go through such pain
Disembowled and dismembered and beheaded time and again
So that we can once again with glee sing out our proud refrain
There must be fifty ways to kill teenagers
Fifty ways to kill teenagers

Wear their skin in your place, Leatherface
A curse might by funny, Mummy
Burst through their skin, Alien
Do whatever you will
Give ‘em a bad omen, Damien
Show Amnityville’s no place to live in!
TV possession is nice, Poltergeist
Just as long as you kill

Use the rules of the screen, Scream
Or chains to rip ‘em to shreds, Pinhead
After they watch some weird thing, Ring
Do whatever you will
Make them saw off their own jaw, Jigsaw
Don’t want to stay in no Hostel
Make sure they’re all dead, Pumpkinhead
Just as long as you kill